unrealistic expectations...

the painful discovery of the week is that i have been in denial about the separation from my wife. it become blatantly obvious that in my heart i've felt things would mend themselves in a matter of time. truth has an interesting way of coming to the surface on a timetable one will likely never understand. however, where to go with this truth is far more clear. i began inch closer to accepting that the marriage i had is now going to be purely between my son and i, with the natural exception being the obligatory roles my wife and i will have as parents.

a very real analogy was shared with me yesterday and it helped me gain some perspective. as automatic as this may seem for other people, i just couldn't seem to grasp this concept:

it's as if a tree has been pulled competely from the soil it inhabited for years, uprooting the very nature of it's existence... in layman's terms, I'M EXPECTED TO FEEL HURT/LOST.

i was quickly becoming impatient w/ myself when things like this were so damn difficult to see, especially when in a clear frame of mind i would be hard pressed to miss these things.
i have to get to a place where i realize that many things will be clouded due to the fact that i am so invested (like the tree and it's roots above) in the relationship i had w/ my wife.

grief has ultimately turned into the focus so that i can legitimately get past some of the things that are holding me back, at least in terms of what lies ahead (no timetable given). i don't mean self-pity here, rather pure sense of loss being lived out until my heart is strong enough to identify w/ it's new existence.

everybody hurts, sometimes.