not so much a year in review...

so often the final post of the year takes on a "looking back" type of theme but i'm just not feeling that right now, at least not as it pertains to searching further than last night. you see, the season has a way of taking different stops down memory road and i'm convinced that front street (as in front and center) is the current spirit of my heart.
i had a fantastic conversation with Joney yesterday evening, following the routine snow removal for this time of year. i had just come in and moments later was pleasantly surprised by her call. it doesn't take long to figure out that she and i know each other quite well. that's what brings the added dimension to many of our conversations, our ability to be real and relate to one another. God bless her and her determination/focus to give her kids the best livelihood she's able. to a great degree it's just in her composition to want to do so much but last night reminded me that she might need to hear that proverbial whisper telling her to pause every now and again. by the same token, the rest of the time it can actually be detrimental to her spirit because serving others is her (one of) love language and it honors her for people to notice. it's hard to miss but somehow people fail to realize her big heart and take it for granted. for this reason and others, she's had another year of challenges. i closed our time together last night by a note of encouragement that i want to share with all of you as well: we are in most cases at the mercy of what happens to us but we are always in control of how we respond to those things
my challenge for all of you is to try and meditate on how you are (if you are) applying this basic principle to your lives. i don't have it figured out and often times find myself struggling with this very notion of being regretful of how i handle a given situation. at the same time, this life lesson isn't far from my conscious mind and that means if i do fail it takes significantly less time for me to be the man and confess/seek forgiveness.
i've also decided recently to take this principle one step further whenever possible. i've made changes to promote a more proactive stance on things instead of reactive. doing or saying things prior to the collision or conflict has an amazing effect on your spirit, in turn usually leaving you more prepared for potential static in your life. even if this magnified posture doesn't prevent you from walking down difficult paths, it certainly (for me anyway) lightens the punch when all is said and done, where you find yourself recovering so much more swiftly and easier.
ok, that's enough introspection for the day. my ambition is that some of these simple suggestions might help you take a new look at some things, or at least provide the opportunity to review what you already know.

last night also brought the opportunity to kick back to some favorite tunes/artists, something usually not too far from my daily agenda. however, one special opportunity presented itself because i had pre-ordered five for fighting's live dvd/cd but when it arrived i was busy doing other things. the hustle of the season meant the disc was covered and for a short time became forgotten. how excited i was when i managed to find it by needing a few of the things that managed to bury it. what can i say, i'm not much for wrapping presents so i wait until very late in the game to engage. those paper rolls have a way of hiding significantly bigger things but this time around it was the fff prize that missed my attention.
the disc is called "back country" and it's a taped concert from the band's latest tour stop in orlando. i highly recommend to everyone that they check out this show. now i know i am very biased but all that aside, this live set is amazing. the bonus features on the disc help frame the songs, one of which is for the song "two lights" and provides the real story behind the lyrics. i knew this story rather well beforehand but it adds something special hearing john ondrasik (lead of fff, in many ways has been fff by himself over the years) share his personal perspective. john's specific words moved me so much that i felt compelled to share with all of you.
in the song "two lights" john is creating the story between father and son. this is a true story based on a dinner table conversation john had with kurt martin, a vietnam veteran, joined by his son alex martin, an active duty member of the armed forces. alex was weeks away at the time from returning to iraq for his second tour. john built up enough courage to ask the father how he's carrying this emotionally, knowing his son is returning to danger. kurt martin's response was at first a long pause but followed by "it's real hard on his mother." this was kurt's way of communicating that he also was having difficulties with it but pride couldn't bring him to admit it. john picked up on the dichotomy behind the father's answer, caught between the natural fear that comes with somebody you love being placed in harm's way, coupled with a sense of pride that prohibits him from showing too much emotion, likely a trait he learned during his time in vietnam.
on the ride home john's spirit helped bring this dualistic emotion to life. the song "two lights" tells the story of how a father receives a call that somebody in his son's platoon has become a casualty of war. the father doesn't at the time have any additional information, leading him to wonder whether or not it's his son that lost his life. this news being too much for him to handle, he does what any man in his position would do - find a way to take his mind off of things until he can find out for sure, which in his situation meant taking a long drive. the chorus of the song tells the chilling reality one man faced, which culminates by the symbolism of "two lights" but i'll let john's words tell the rest of the story:

"tear out my heart
feed it to lions
for this one wish i beg you this tonight
show me no mercy
but spare me my pride
i'm going for a drive

and if you find out he's coming home
when i come around the corner
i'll know that it's all right
just leave me two lights"

this story in real life closes with two lights being seen from a distance and one very grateful man driving closer to them by the second. alex martin returned safely from overseas. since the writing of this song he has returned to fight for our freedom, where he remains to this day.

i felt it would be fitting to turn our eyes to one last quote from another soldier (anonymous) in iraq, where he said: we become who we are fighting for
as simple as that may sound, let us not forgot that these brave men and women are in many ways a reflection of all of us. may we not take for granted the freedoms they are fighting for but may they only find themselves in battle for as long as is completely necessary. please support our troops and end the war when our mission is complete.

God bless all of you and thanks for caring enough to check back periodically.

i have my own gift to tend to now - BJ, the most precious of them all.

merry Christmas and i'll see you on the other side of 2008 sometime soon.