it's only been seven years...

 april 2013 was the last entry I sat down, wrote, and published. there were a couple i recently discovered in my archives that hadn't been published, but technically april '13 remains the final time (until now) i visited this digital headspace.

what can i say? i'm married now with five kids. four of them i didn't help bring into this world but i'm committed through love and patience to see them through it. there's a lot being thrown at young ones these days so even though they may not want or ask for my help, they're family and they will receive it.

i'm still partly apart, as my original moniker would suggest from years ago. but when you stop to think about it, aren't we all? i don't know too many people (if any) that have it all together, and frankly that's just not the company i regularly keep anyway. 

so, it's 2020 -- AKA the year of the virus. and we thought Y2K was supposed to be bad, this year's already made the "hold my beer" comment to the past countless times. among other things, this means we all walk around now with masks on our faces nearly everywhere we go, even the bank. yeah, i never thought that's something i'd say let alone that it would be mandatory. strange times in which we're living. DJT is the president but i won't utter his name or accept him as my leader -- after all, since when was asking a former reality tv star to run our country a good idea? fucking republicans. actually, it's not all their fault, but i've never really shied away from blaming them for other things so this is no different.

sure, obama wasn't perfect. but you bet your sweet tits he didn't put us into harm's way even remotely as much as #45's dumb ass. but surely i digress, politics were never my forte... i just don't like DJT. in fact, i'm fairly certain i hate him, legitimately. 

the violence, hatred, and outright unjust behavior on display today is something unlike i've ever seen prior. we have people in power that encourage making the oppressed and marginalized people feel ever smaller than they already do -- a real boy scout, that one. 

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haven't read through previous entries so i have no basis for comparison but i'd say i'm damn lucky to be alive, have a family that (mostly) loves me, and friends that are for the most part a blessing. frankly, i've used the past seven years to figure out a few things about how life works. it seems i used to get stuck in certain emotions and pay too much credence to them, as well as the people responsible for saying/doing things to illicit specific feelings. these days, while i'm far from bulletproof, i've learned not to care as much about others' opinions.

i can only control myself, and even that is debatable. but the point is i cannot control how others receive what i say or do, just my reaction. i act in good faith that i'm generally making my points clear and communicating with purpose, but i also know my (and your) broken nature sometimes make things complicated. 

no sense in shame, no time for that shit. still keep things as real as possible. so wherever this may find you, know you're not alone in whatever you may be feeling. one thing's for sure, this turntable we're on is well worth keeping it spinning, regardless of how quick or in what direction. being here is far better than the alternative, so that's where i'll land this plane for now.

be encouraged, stay well. who knows, i might start coming back around here a bit more... possibly even look a few of you up that used to connect with me regularly. cheers!

*on rotation right now* -- joshua radin, be here now