it's too cold outside...

...for angels to fly.

this song is what began my morning yesterday.  interestingly enough, i almost never listen to commercial radio but it so happens i set my sleep timer while tuned to one of the few stations i occasionally visit.  ed sheeran and his single "the A team" woke me from a slumber.  even with the fade-in feature, i hardly missed a note and it set the tone for the day.

now, this particular song is written about a love lost to drug abuse.  while that may not properly introduce my reason for this blog entry, it's still relevant.  you see, it's not even 10 days into the new year and already i've been witness to half a dozen different forms of suffering and 4 of my friends losing members of their family through various means.  these range from natural to absolutely unexpected, and from a woman in the late stages of her life to an older couple whose home was forcefully entered, and a young girl not even out of middle school.  point being, death does not discriminate and it's all painful.

it's not feeling very warm at the moment.

while our mortality is inevitable, it's a different thing altogether to face it first hand.  in some ways, it's akin to the old adage of "it will never happen to me."  well, i suppose when we say things like that we actually mean sooner than it SHOULD.

what these trying times have taught me AGAIN is that we should really seize the initiative and focus on loving each other.  this can obviously be taken out of context real quick by those who wish to make it the butt end of a joke, but i have no intention of that here.  i join most/all of you with selfish desires i often have, regardless of how much i fight them.  at the end of the day, i grow and retain more from life by giving than i ever would seeking personal gain(s).  it's a daily decision but one well worth making every time.  it usually begins and ends with working to get out of my own way.

love comes in several forms, too many in fact to begin breaking down.  use your discretion as to what's most appropriate but error on the side of giving too much of yourself.  it's natural to want to secure others' favor and sometimes it's too easy to get caught up in that trap.  be who you are and do what you do without expecting anything in return, no matter how difficult this can become.  i often find myself beginning this process with the best of intentions, only to discover that somewhere along the way i'm battling with staying out of the main focus.  not too sure what causes that besides our broken nature and how as human beings we tend not to have things "figured out" completely.  it's particularly disturbing because in most situations the spotlight isn't something i crave.  i'd much rather be an important part of somebody else's life behind-the-scenes, that helps them reach a milestone than to garner recognition for one of my own.

falling back to "goal setting" conversations from as early as parochial school, one consistency i've had for years is to be some type of love each day.  i fail as much as i succeed but i'll never tire of the journey.  i want to emulate that which breathes life into others, all the while producing a joy within myself that can be shared with everyone.  i began this "new year" without making a resolution, which really is no different than the past five years... but i did have these two words take up residency within me long before the stroke of midnight on 12.31 - BE LOVE.

love means, among other things, taking risks and stepping outside your comfort zone.  love means, to me, opening yourself up to possibly get hurt.  that's not easy, for anyone, but we should endure together.  we must make sacrifices without paying any mind to the potential harm we may inflict on ourselves.  truth told, at times i'm really pathetic at this but i'm infatuated with the idea of togetherness.  (read as john lennon's "imagine" without the ability to dream big)  this doesn't necessarily mean to all be alike, and in most cases i'm not for any form of assimilation... but it should begin with respect, and in turn lack of judgment.

if you're reading this and i've in some way created distance between you and i, simply know that i will do better.  i'll continue to make mistakes but i'm committed to learning from them and destined to prevent repeat error.  in short, i'm reminded of how many times each of us had to first fall before we learned to walk.  this is really no different, with the exception of years gone by.

i want to say to anyone who's recently lost somebody - you are not alone.  there are many others available to care for you in whatever capacity you may need.  be encouraged by that much, and may each of you find strength through whatever means may work best for you.  i know we all have different tolerance when it comes to subscribing for help, but please know you're important to me and i enjoy being here for you if/when able.

this is what's been on my heart for a couple weeks, but without question the last in this string of unfortunate announcements has spurred forward what you've read here.  in some ways, this wave of emotion also came about through wondering how i might be remembered if something happened to me prematurely.  i'd really enjoy the idea of people reflecting on my life as being a beacon of love, with a gentle spirit that truly embraces others and their similarities/differences.  i'd also, without question, hope to be considered a great father to my son.  honestly, if those two things could be said indisputably... that's enough, period.

life may indeed be too short.  fact is, we simply don't know when our time will come.

thank you for being in my life and for extending me grace where i may not deserve it.  thank you for seeing the best and confiding in me, as many of you have.  thank you for the many ways you've continued to touch my life and allow me into your home, physically or metaphorically.  finally, thank you for listening and caring enough to help me become an even better person in your company.

fortunately for all who believe (and i don't mean that religiously), it may be cold outside... but angels don't discriminate either.  they're among us everywhere, and i find great solace in knowing those who've left us still have ways to connect to our soul, endlessly.