back to back

yesterday was my good friend JB's birthday. the day began on a painful note but fortunately some darvocet came to the rescue. a relatively bad headache ensued but didn't hang around to spoil the rest of the day. another close friend picked me up for a random drink at the bookstore and this friend and i were long overdue for some catching up on life. he is also a family man that appears to be happily married but possesses a staunch honesty about his life that most people quiver about and completely avoid. i dig those kind of relationships because there's really nothing left to chance. he tells me what he wants me to know and in many cases it's enough for me to draw some fairly rash conclusions. the cool thing is i have no interest in doing that and he knows this so he's brutaly honest with me. he really is a very cool guy and i find a lot of value in our friendship.
this guy has been in the business of human services for years, an area that i've been interested in for equally as long, if not much longer. he fights fires and comes to the medical rescue of those in need. we've both recently began introducing me to this fold and even though budget cuts will likely prevent any real near future transitions to this type of opportunity, i'm deeply intrigued by the possibility of being the heroine someday in the future. i've been geared for that line of work for quite some time now but just never felt the support i needed (to be fair to my ex, i didn't really ever let on about my interest that directly) to pursue it. well, it's now myself to look after (with the exception of when i have BJ) and there's no better time to act on this passion than the present, at least in the sense of building a foundation and networking so certain key people can put my face with the name. this fact helps breathe new hope into the next few years of my life, if in fact that's how long it takes to help this desire come to fruition.
i learned a lot of new things about my friend yesterday, most of which would be considered quite personal so i'm proud that he trusted me with such information. it wasn't things that would necessarily connect to him as much as different bits of news on family, both immediate and extended. some of his family has endured their fair share of hardship, somewhat similar to mine and it was comforting to hear about how they dealt with and overcame the situation(s).
it was actually quite interesting to find how much my friend's stories and some of the ones i had to offer found parallels. just goes to show that God works in sweet ways and many times the moments we share with people are not coincidental. needless to say, the short time i spent with my friend was quite valuable and definitely worth building on in the very near future. i was asked to bump him again soon so that he can plan to that sort of occassion.

now we fast forward to right around the time my friend is dropping me off and i notice an unusually full mailbox to the side of my house. now, i've received my fair share of mail lately given the fact that i just celebrated a birthday and all but this appeared to be something different altogether. i was confused because i wasn't expecting anything.
well, i should mention that my mailbox is rather small to begin with so it's not as though there would really have to be all that much to make it overflow, however i could see the traces of a bubble mailer, what ever could it be?
i was so incredibly excited to find a pre-ordered album that i sent for months ago and had almost completely forgotten about in the first place. another favorite band of mine is called sleeping at last (they've been referenced quite a few times here) and they just recently, is in within the past week, released a new record called "keep no score."
sleeping at last (referred to from now on as SAL to save space) is a band out of the chicago area that caught an industry buzz several years ago, some of which caught the attention of local homegrown billy corgan, lead for a band called smashing pumpkins that many of you may know. needless to say, such noteriety didn't hurt the band but SAL actually is a faith based (not categorized in christian at retailers but you get the idea) pop-rock outfit so the corgan affiliation was a bit astounding at first. nevertheless, billy took a strong liking to these guys and helped them do things. there's more to that story that can be found at www.sleepingatlast.com but for now i'm going to say that the guys enjoyed their newfound business friend.
SAL vanished from the scene almost as quickly as they created a stir around the industry. it seemed as though they were going to go right back into the studio and work on a follow-up effort but the time away seemed to turn into a sabatical of sorts because this latest record was not made in whatever anyone would consider quick fashion.
ok, so you get the idea... guys release amazing first album that catches the attention of some cool people and of course me, who maybe isn't as cool but i have my moments.
i had the pleasure of talking with ryan on one of the tour stops years ago and he made an immediate impression on me as a person. forget the fact that he writes amazing music, he seemed to be a super cool and sensible kind of guy and that was enough for me to develop an ever deeper appreciation with his art. well, i've been an enthusiast of his work for years, especially his lyrical content, which if you're not Christian it might not do as much for you but that's ok because the music itself will. SAL isn't one to hide behind their convictions. in fact, it becomes evident that ryan (lead) bears his soul in the same type of brutally honest fashion that my aforementioned friend does. in this industry, that type of disclosure is high risk but can lead to some extremely cool and loyal people following you.
i'm sure the anticipation is building of what you feel my impression was of keep no score. well, i honestly can't give it proper credit in this blog just yet because it is that good of an album after four listens. it's hard to say what type of reaction i will have once i've come down from this high and can take a more objective listen to what i'm feeling and where it's taking me. suffice to say this was an amazing gift to receive and the timing could not have been better, again to me, not coincidental at all.
keep no score is (forgive the cliche' but i cannot think of something better at the moment) similar to the soundtrack to a good movie that's not been written just yet. there's no real concept or underlying theme to the songs per se but it's an unforgettable ride, the first time and continues to be just that with each listen. i'm seriously taken back by how great this record is and would recommend that anyone pick this up. just in case you're curious as to what you would hear, check out their website address above and keep the following possible description in mind: ethereal, pop-laden, piano-based, orchestration, set to positive/constructive and in many cases true life stories, all stretched out over beautiful higher pitched vocal melodies.
that probably sells a lot of their sound short but you get the general idea, at least enough to hopefully peak your curiosity because these guys deserve whatever support they get.

on another note, one of my other favorite bands just played jimmy kimmel live the other night, on my birthday actually... you know, blue october, perhaps you've heard me mention there name a time or two. their latest record "foiled" is another article that should find its way into every person's collection sometime soon. it was another great showing by the band. justin made his way to the stage with crutches after his most recent accident that broke his leg. it was cool because he sort of used his crutches to add more dramatic effect to the song... he walked out with them and then at the first build up of their single "hate me," he threw them into the first row of the crowd. it was a simple yet liberating moment for those of us who've felt held down by any particular object, whether or not his reason was intentional. i'm so proud of how far these guys have come. it's great to watch it all unfold after "foiled" is their fourth studio effort (can't count argue with a tree in that number because it's live) and people seem to feel like it's so easy to get noticed. these guys have fought for several years to even get their stuff spun on regional, let alone a national level. check it out, it'll likely change you, one way or another.

finally, i made it out to my thursday night men's group last night for the first time in weeks. i was in the hospital or recovering from anesthetic the last few times they got together. the group finished the last chapters of blue like jazz these past couple weeks so we're not on a particular book at the moment. one of the guys who had hung around the group for years and then made his way off to florida to teach suddenly appeared and gave us the great news that he took a new job back home. this guy has had quite the ride this past year or two so his news was met with much warm applause. we basically sat around and talked about his life and what's been going on since he last left michigan. the rest of the time was spent discussing adult baptism because one of our other friends from the group had just taken part in this celebration and declaration the week prior in front of our church family. there were a lot of questions amongst the group regarding this event and i found the answers to be both thoughtful and intriguing. we took the last half hour to recognize JB's birthday (and in effect mine again) and catch up with what's been going on in his life lately.

my friend DC has a show with his side project called The Estradas this saturday. it's their first show ever live so it should be exciting. i also have a wedding observation party to attend this evening for some close friends. they were married recently in Italy and wanted to have the opportunity to share this with friends back in the states. it should be a great time so i'm looking forward to that as well. it's been a rather busy week and fortunately my friends have been able to taxi me places and yet i've managed to rest up considerably more so i'm up for the travel. on that note, it's time for some breakfast so i can take some more pain medicine. i can slowly sense the spasm coming on at the moment.

mixed emotions...

today is my birthday (at least for the next 32 minutes or less by the time i type this) and it's been a long day. it all started with a follow-up appointment with my doctor this morning. i had to go back after my surgery to see how i was healing. to my dismay, the doctor told me my body is not healing as quickly as it should and that i would be laid up for another two weeks at least. now, as much as that may sound like a vacation to many, i can assure you that it has been everything but one up to this point. i have been restricted to the house and have only seen outdoors three times over the past two weeks. it begins to weigh on me after awhile.
fortunately the day got better and i spent the rest of the afternoon sleeping and laying low so i could have some energy to go out for dinner with friends. i did exactly that and it was actually a great turn out. about 20 people total came out for the celebration, which i was pleasantly shocked to find so many of my friends able to arrange everything on such short notice.
we all went to this local mexican bar and grill for dinner and drinks and it would appear that everyone had a really nice time. i know i certainly enjoyed myself. that was the most i had done since before my operations. i had one giant margarita and had to call it quits after that to make sure the alcohol didn't mix wrong with the medicine i'm taking. the doctor said i could have two drinks but i really didn't want to push it. i had enough to take the edge off and that's all i really cared about anyway.
i'm just getting back in for the night and thought i would document everything here before turning in.
i'm going to take keane's new record "under the iron sea" with me to bed so i can finally listen to it all. it came out last week and i haven't really listened to it all the way through because i keep getting stuck on a few songs. anyway, i'm sure it will be decent.

'nite everyone.

tested patience

my housemate found a way at almost the last minute to get our water bill paid so for now i don't have that concern any longer. now, i must however graduate to a more serious concern - my mortgage. you see, i have direct withdrawal and it's already in motion for july so i can't cancel it for next month according to the bank. i hardly doubt my housemate will come through again given the fact it was so hard for him to scrape up $60, my suspicion is that he can't come up with hundreds more by next week. i don't know quite how to feel about that situation. i know it's not personal but so much of me feels like it's unacceptable and my heart needs to stop always dictating my life because i seem to find myself in these trying circumstances quite frequently. he owes me what i consider to be a significant sum of money, mostly so we can pay a mutual friend for all the maintenance he did to my house to make it possible for my housemate to move in earlier this year. while i'm on medical leave it's hard to say what my pay schedule will look like because it takes forever for metlife to process my paperwork. it's quite a fix i find myself in this time and all because i wanted to help somebody who now finds himself in a position of desparation himself. it doesn't make me want to change my mind about lending a hand because i think this guy is great and a very close friend but i definitely need to re-evaluate putting myself in this type of predicament any time again in the near future.
yesterday was especially a painful day. i kept having lower back spasms, caused by the internal damage to my kidney and urethra to remove the prior stones. i'm not supposed to be in this much pain still so it's a little annoying but there's not much else i can do besides take the darvocet, ciproflexin, and flomax they prescribed for the condition at hand.
i woke up in pain this morning as well so hopefully that's not indicative of what lies ahead today. i did get a call from my doctor's office this morning that i'm able to sneak in for my appointment tomorrow instead of friday since somebody had to cancel at the last minute. that much is good news at least. hopefully they can make quick order of my paperwork for work so i can get that claim processed and make what little money they owe me.
i listened to a lot of old ben folds five albums yesterday to reinstill some laughter to my day, which was much needed at this point. you just have to love ben and his whimsical way of blending piano with falsetto about some of life's most interesting conundrums.
ben actually has five new songs on the "over the edge" soundtrack of all places. i'm excited to see what comes of these new efforts but i'm obviously going to have to wait to find out until i can get the budget straightened out and upon my return to work.
besides that i saw several commercials for the new dashboard confessional record yesterday. i guess the band is going to be all over the tube today to promote the new record so maybe i'll be able to catch a performance or two on vh1 or an evening talk show.
if so, i'll return with some form of a review very soon...

trilogy means three

some friends of mine picked me up this weekend for a much needed escape. they took me to see the latest x-men movie called last stand. well, i felt about this movie the same way i've felt about most of it's kind... it was decent but they need to just stop hinting at the possibility of another movie inside of the last two minutes. seriously, when you create a trilogy you should simply set out to write three breathtaking offerings and leave it at that. there's a final scene in the x-men movie that suggests one of the head mutants regaining some of his powers after being stripped of them from a cure that was earlier introduced into the fold. all in all, it was a good movie and a relatively tight plot up until those last few minutes, which nearly ruins the prior two hours of footage.
friday came and my h-mate once again let me down. i had to convince the city water plant to give me until today to settle our arrears. it's such a degrading feeling to be in this position but i know several people have it much worse. i've never so much as had a late payment in my life before my friend moved in with me. he didn't move in to help offset a financial burden, which is the real kick in the tail. i was offering my place to him as a result of him being in a very difficult place, where he simply needed somewhere safe to rest his head. at that time i was fully able to support myself and my surroundings. unfortunately, that all changed when my divorce finalized and i lost my medical benefits. that meant i had to take out my own medical coverage through work, which obviously cuts back my take home pay. in addition to that i was being taxed as a single individual instead of married and that was a rude awakening, to say the least.
my human resources office finally caught on and the adjustment (between tax difference and medical coverage) amounts to just over $500 less take home each month. needless to say, this change brought about the need for supplemental income. it seemed nice that i already had my friend move in because that appeared to be the answer. well, i failed to mention that my friend has been working for a start up company the past nine months, doing everything he can to make each daily sacrifice and keep the head above water. i should mention that his company's idea of surviving came in the form of a payroll freeze that all employess had to agree to in order to be kept around. sounds rather shady to me and i wouldn't have agreed to it unless it was in writing that this change would be temporary. that was seven months ago and he still has never been paid fair wages since the freeze. in fact, it really was a freeze because they owe him easily over 10k and he's been lucky to receive 10% of that.
all i can really say is that he has a hell of a lot more patience than i do. i would have jumped ship a long time ago, if not only due to the personal needs that money often meets. he has not been able to pay me more than $200 over the past four months. i'm really close to the position where i need to tell him to figure it out or find a new place to live. at the same time, he is a really good friend and in supporting him i find it difficult to pull the rug from under him. what that ultimatum will likely sound like is something along the lines of get a different job or find another way to make money before i'm unable to support you any further, which is quickly approaching.
i have until 3PM today to get our water bill paid or we most certainly face shut off before 5PM.
my friend is completely aware of this and he couldn't be more clear on the details. i'm told he will have a co-worker front the bill in exchange for a favor. i don't know much more than that and truthfully i really don't care. all i know is i cannot let this slip and it simply won't, again because it cannot. i also know that i'm to a point where i will not live this type of lifestyle every month. let me remind you that it might be nice to know how to survive these types of setbacks but first hand training isn't exactly the method i would have chosen. no doubt i will be more fit to tackle these obstacles again but i find no desire to formulate that need to test my theory.

i have follow-up with the doctor's office today, mostly the paperwork end. my doctors are so incredibly busy that an actual appointment with them is a hot commodity. i have a back-up appointment scheduled for this wednesday and that simply means i'm on a call-list in case somebody has to cancel or cannot make their scheduled time. the appointment i have set in stone as a second option isn't until this friday. in the meantime, i'm still on medical leave from work due to the drugs and physical needs of recovery. it doesn't present itself in the most convenient ways and makes it hard to focus on much of anything besides these run-on sentences in my blog.

i have another birthday coming up in two days. this will be the 32nd time i've faced that occassion and it's really no big deal. i simply have a hard time understanding where time goes sometimes. it's even more evident as i watch BJ grow before my very eyes. these discoveries are indicative of how we must not let time get away from us and it's best to capture the
moment(s) when available. i've been talking with some old friends recently about this and it appears i just may have a major transition in my life within the next year, depending on what manifests from our talks. the bottom line there is that i cannot just stand still while everything else around me is moving at such a rapid pace. i'm still healing and that often slows down the tempo but it would be unwise to pause too long and watch my surroundings cultivate without finding a way to be a part of it all. there will almost certainly be more on these efforts in future posts, probably not in the real near future but soon, nevertheless.

i spent some time listening to the leak of the new dashboard confessional record. it takes a turn to a bigger production after years of listening to chris carraba and his five string take residency in the studio. it's a rather interesting take on how he's grown musically and takes some very bold steps toward more traditional rock and roll. it's different and i can see it being a very good move on his part. you might check it out (called Dusk and Summer) if time permits. i see best buy advertising the record for $6.99 if you have a student id, which is a complete steal. if you don't happen to be a student, i'm pretty sure circuit city is running it for $8.99 this week only.

besides that, i took some time this weekend to view death cab's DVD called directions. i bought it a little while back but didn't have the chance to watch it. wow, what an interesting project. the concept is their album "plans" set to videos from independent producers, where the band had no say in the artistic direction of everything. it must truly be a cool testament for the band to see what fans have created because of the art they produce. i mean seriously, what a compliment. there isn't much footage with the band as this project was an incarnation of an idea that chris walla (one of band members) had in passing and the record label brought to fruition after a lot of planning. bottom line, check it out if you enjoy indepent productions.

breakfast calls, thanks for listening.

everyone needs their own lisa loeb experience

yeah, you remember that song "my name is luka" ...well i'm convinced that we all need to feel like lisa must have felt when she wrote that song, or at least that we've had to be able to relate. it's not that i want people to feel like i don't exist. i've heard lisa say that she wrote that song when she was at a place in life that she felt lonely and unimpactful, a kind of "hey, remember me... how you doing" sentiment.
well, i seem to be in that place lately. it's similar to when you write 20 e-mails and hardly get one back. you wonder, hey... is this thing working? is anyone receiving this mail?
i figure the next thing in line is to post my banter online, in hopes that someone may notice and comment. it's not often i receive feedback but i'm not sure that's why i blog in the first place. to be honest, it's more of a release. it was actually prescribed as therapy a year or so ago, as a means to journal my feelings, in hopes it would give them life on screen instead of in my heart/head.
i still believe that can be good and all but it sometimes gets to the point where you feel as though your words are a bunch of pigeons let loose at the same time and they just need to fly onto a high rooftop and form some sense, so as to make your efforts seem somewhat purposeful. sometimes my pigeons find their way back to where they came so it ends up being a clusterfuk of sorts, never quite bringing harmony to the prose.
what i've found lately is also that i am a book out of print. not that i was ever in print but that i have all these thoughts and feelings and it just doesn't seem to make it to print, or ever even manifest into something concrete enough to call a book. the pages become scattered and i'm mostly spent picking them up and attempting to re-configure the mental puzzle within, and maybe even conquer it to some degree.
my life has always seemed to have a pretty fitting soundtrack though so somebody would be bound to make a killing if they could supply the cinematography to do it all justice. i could lace it with an amalgam of digital rhinestones, not to mention some classics that never age with time, long before the world even could delve outside of analog.
that's it, somebody reading this can help me construct the first scratch sessions of a soundtrack (because these things don't ever occur on one stroke)... i'm officially taking your ideas.

spinning in the media player at this very moment is emergency by the umbrellas, seems somewhat dramatic but potentially landing on a point.

seven years too long

i failed to mention something that i just had to get off my chest before i get a bite. one of my favorite bands from yesteryear decided to go back into the studio and i cannot be more excited to see what comes of their efforts. the band is called The Gufs and they are simply amazing.
Goran Kralj is the brainchild behind their songwriting (incredible lyricist) and has been doing a solo gig for awhile until the rest of the guys of The Gufs were willing/available.
the hiatus they reported taking years ago was never thought to last this long, by them and most of us listeners so it's great to see the dust settling after several years.

you can check out The Gufs at www.thegufs.com, where they promise to keep us updated on their recording and touring.
Goran is still doing some solo dates and can be reached at www.goranmusic.com/music.htm

check out both when time permits. this is great news for friends and fans alike.

no sense in complaining

there's no real sense in bitching about my pain right now b/c there are so many others in much more pain than this on a regular basis, some of which i met in the hospital. i finally came home yesterday after my 4th stint in the ER, and i'm obviously hoping its my last for quite awhile. i definitely hope its the last for my kidneys.
i spent most of the day sleeping but managed to get out the ol' gamecube and play some toadstool tour golf. i forgot how much fun it used to be when my wife and i played that game together so i hope those days aren't too far in the future again, under different circumstances of course.
BJ will be old and big enough to play the video games in about a year or so. right now he just likes to pull on the cords and get in the way of the tv. i don't usually do anything with games when he's around anyway b/c my full attention is on him so i found this out the hard way the other day.
i'm not driving anywhere b/c the meds are just too much so my transportation is limited to public methods at this point. this isn't any big deal though b/c i'm still not all that mobile.
besides, GR has a big public transit system in place and hundreds/thousands of people ride the rapids every day. it might also help me get a little ahead of the game w/ gas prices the way they are.
my h-mate still owes my money to get my bills up to snuff but he promised that most of the score would be even today. i really need him to come through b/c i just don't have anymore wiggle room before my credit completely suffers. i've already faced three shut off notices and made it through but there's another one of the docket and needs to be settled before 5 today.

all this talk about money is making me hungry. seems strange but i guess it's stressful so it gets my stomach going into different gears. that's good b/c my family left some food on their last visit and i have enough to make a decent lunch.

i read about 7 people who were arrested in miami yesterday, in what's alleged to be the largest terrorist conspiracy since 9/11. apparently the Sears Tower was their next target. i think of things like this and it brings two things to mind - the fact that we have some real sick bastards in this society, and that doesn't even just mean mentally. the other recurring feeling is we are closer to an apocalypse everyday when somebody dreams up this type of vengeance, bread from nothing more than likely hatred and revenge. it's a sad place if that's what some of america has amounted to these days.

that's it... i'm hungry.

my media player is spinning all kinds of great hits from the 90s.
better than ezra
chalk farM
toad the wet sprocket
*live*
blessid union of souls
the new radicals

choice material... dig it!

post surgical feelings...

i had my first bout ever with kidney stones last week and it honestly lives up to everything you might have heard people say. mine unfortunately evolved into a kidney/urinary tract infection and i am all but down for the count. it's been a real slow recovery so i've been doing everything i can to see the positives in each day that passes. i can't afford to become discouraged as i don't want to re-visit depression, or for that matter any of the potential ugly and dangerous side effects of what usally follows.
so far i've lost a lot of sleep and i'm trying real diligently to make up for that during the day. i'm out on medical leave from work until further notice because i am not very mobile at all. the medical team has me on several commercial grade pain killers and antibiotics, most of which leave me nauseous and exhausted and that makes for some real slow days.
i've fortunately been able to pass quite a bit of time on my laptop, trying to prop myself up at just the right angle to withstand too much pain. please do me a favor and comment/write/shout-out if you have a minute so it helps give me something to focus on for the time being. even though there are so many things to find on the internet, it's also become such a melting pot that sometimes can seem endless and i want to try and keep my computer time somewhat productive/meaningful.

i need to get some rest but in case you're wondering, i'm spinning the following at present:
keane - under the iron sea
sherwood - summer ep
until june - 2006 demo

'nite.

ellen

there are too many things about ellen degeneres that i find intriguing. i tivo her show each morning so i can check out the highlights on lunch and i've become a regular admirer of her character, both in front and away from the camera.
it's too bad the likelihood of her genes ever being passed on are slim to none because we need more laughter in this world.

*live* is on the show tomorrow and i'm real excited for them to be coming back to the scene after such a long hiatus.

ellen, we salute you.